Me and Myself
by MrWriterWriter
Summary: Naruto always figured he'd have to watch his own back...he just never expected it to be so literal. M for violence, language, romantic elements and a potential 'Papa Wolf' incident. Bonus points if you can guess which poor slob invokes THAT kinda wrath
1. Chapter 1

All right! Who's been giving my muse tequila and Red Bul!

Muse: *rocketing/staggering around like a penguin from Hades* Pweety colorsh! WEEEEE! *BELCH!* Macaroosh...meca..I shmell cookies!

Been wondering where the hell this plot bunny came from..hoo-boy..

Muse: *runs headlong into a cabnet* This door tastes funny!

*Groans*

**Me and Myself.**

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"Ah, you're waking up." The old man chuckled, watching his guest finally coming to, "Was wondering how long you'd be out of it.

A dull groan was the response before a low baratone voice followed up, "What the hell..? Where am I?"

When the cobwebs finally cleared, both took a look at each other; the first was dressed oddly enough in a banana yellow kimono with a bamboo pattern on it. His snow-white hair was in a topknot and a waist length moustache and goatee-like beard. He seemed to have an air about him that screamed 'I get in more trouble than a 5 year old and love it!'

The other was a stark contrast; standing close to 6'7", he nearly towered over the first man. A sleeveless shirt and baggy shinobi pants revealed the muscular frame he sported. Both arms had dragon tattoos that coiled around them from wrist to shoulder. his hair fell straight down to his waist; blonde with a reddish tint, giving it a slight copper hue though greying at the temples was visable. His right eye was hidden under a patch while the left was sapphire blue with a slitted pupil. However, it was what was under his eyes: three lines going across both cheeks, resembling whiskers

"I think introductions are in order." The older man answered, "Naruto Namikaze, my name is Bochi. Though you might be more familar with my work title: The Shinigami"

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Don't ask me where this came from, but it just wouldn't leave me alone till I put it down. You might consider this a teaser chapter until I can finish the next chapter of 'It's Showtime!' (Real Life likes to rear it's ugly head when I least enjoy it...)

*A pair of panties sail by* What the-?

Muse: Wooo! Feel da bweeze!

Dammit! Put your clothes back on! AND WHERE THE HELL DID THAT TATTOO COME FROM!

(Before anyone asks about the hair: isn't it a little odd that he seems to have so little in common with his mother? think about it.)


	2. Chapter 2

"I..I'm sorry.." Naruto wiggled a finger in his ear to be sure nothing was in it, "It sounded like you said you were.."

"The Shinigami, right." The older man grinned, "What, you think I wear that thing ALL the time?" He gestured to a folded up pile of clothes. On top lay the familar skeletal face of the death god, "Those are just my work clothes. Inspiring a measure of aew and fear in mortals is kinda mandatory with the job."

It was then the blonde noticed exactly where they were that made him question his sanity...

The outfit, Bochi, and himself were all floating. Both above and below them was a massive expanse of cloud stretching as far as he could see. With the exception of their talking, it was dead silent.

"W-what the hell! Where am I?"

"Welcome to my personal corner of Limbo. Lets me unwind after dealing with whining and complaining souls that don't wanna accept their destination. Now, it's obvious you're wondering _why_ I brought you here, so I'll go ahead and tell you. Technically you've been dead for about fifteen minutes. You remember..?"

Placing a hand on his chest, Naruto frowned as he remembered...

Akatsuki's members had all finally been killed or put out of commission for good and the final confrontation between the supposidly immortal Madara Uchiha and 54 year old ex-Konoha shinobi Naruto was underway. They had traded blows and jutsu for what felt like forever until the Uchiha's overconfidence in his Sharingan got the best of him: after almost four decades of using it, the Shadow Clone Jutsu was second nature to Naruto to where seals or calling the move out. Combined with his insane chakra reserves, he was able to trick the man into using Tsukuyomi on a clone. That proved to be fatal for him when the original used the opening to decapitate him.

The victory was short-lived. unfortunately. He was too exausted to sense someone behind him until the he heard the noise. By then it was too late as pain shot through his chest and he saw the hand sticking out.

"That chidori pretty much obliterated your heart, even Kyuubi can't repair that kind of damage." Bochi stated, "Just glad I got you out of there before the little turd tried to set your body on fire."

"Why did you take me anyway?" He asked, still not sure if this was all real or now.

The Shinigami's expression took on a slightly rueful look, "Naruto, I 'll be honest with you. I've kept somewhat of an eye on you, mainly out of couriousity at first..no hard feelings about your dad's soul? The Shiki Fujin's a binding contract as soon as it's employed.."

"It's ok..he knew what sealing the fox into me would entail. I've had time to think about it, though it does still irk me at times."

He nodded, "Anyway..I've seen the crap you've had to put up with while you lived in Konoha. Busted your ass for them and what did you get in return..?" A finger popped up, "In his report, Hatake gave most of the credit to that Uchiha kid while you were left as 'providing some haphazard assistance', the same thing with Garaa at the Chunin exams. Granted Sasuke told Sakura you saved her, but odds are he did it so she'd leave him alone since he never corrected anyone else about it."

Naruto glowered at that memory. Granted he did get aknowledged, but when it's by another country more than your home town...

Bochi raised a second finger, "The Toad Sage, the man who was supposed to be your godfather, Jiraiya..." He stopped dead when the blonde snarled, baring a set of razor-sharp teeth

"I'd prefer if you never mentioned _his_ name in my presence." He growled. _Supposed to_ was the key term as far as he was concerned. It wasn't until after the toad sage's death that a drunk Tsunade blabbed that his parents had named the man as his godfather...his fucking GODFATHER! Someone who was supposed to be looking after him yet he never even met the guy until the Chunin Exams. It made his blood boil remembering he had to show the bastard a naked girl just make him think he was worthy of his time.

"Noted.." Bochi responded and lifted finger number three, "The fact that he, Tsundade, and the Third all knew who your parents were but it wasn't until the woman was hammered that you were told, admitting that Sarutobi deliberatly lied to you. If it's any consolation, he's spending time in the smellier part of my digestive tract 'cause of that."

Naruto allowed himself a chuckle at that, the respect he had for Sarutobi took a furious nosedive when he found out. His parents; Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki, the Yellow Flash and Crimson Princess...yet the people that knew had the gall to decide he couldn't. Did they think he was too stupid to know it needed to be kept a secret? It had taken every ounce of his willpower not to go and piss on both men's graves, though he did spit on them a couple of times.

"There are a few other things I should list, but I'll go ahead and skip to the point: why I brought you here."

"I'm listening.."

"What would you say if I offered a chance to send you back?"

"What..before that bastard got me from behind?"

"Unfortunately, no. In that timeline your body has already lost far too much blood and your brain has been oxygen deprived long enough to die completly." Bochi sheepishly scratched his beard, "That and Kyuubi got released when you died."

"Uchiha, you fucking bastard" The blonde growled, "I should've just wasted your sorry ass at the Valley in the first place. "

"The fox wasn't too happy about it either if the roar was any indicator. Uchiha learned that pretty damn fast, heh." The Shinigami stifled an amused snort, "Anyway, I meant back to before you became a genin. I AM the Death God, after all; key word _god._ My little sisters aren't the only ones who can bend the rules, you know. However, there is one small catch."

"A catch..never fails.." He rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Fine, I'll bite. What is the catch?"

"Well, a regressive return-where you get put back as a little kid-is outta the question. It would mean having to replace the old you with the current you but that would basically remove your past you from existance and that just leaves a whole lot of methaphysical and temporal hoopla that just gives everyone a headache. Plus going back will only affect that time, so actions dont interfere with other periods and screw things up. So basicly, I'm going to put you, as in YOU you, back there to help your younger self out."

"So you plan to put me there with kid me, pretty much?" Naruto deadpanned slightly, hoping he followed right.

"Bingo. Let's see...you're fifty-four right now, sooo forty-two years sounds like a decent number, right?"

"Kinda specific, dontcha think?"

Bochi simply waved it off, "Ah, forty-two goes with everything!"

"I guess, but how're you gonna send me back? You said I died."

"Hello, Shinigami, remember?" Bochi said, giving what he apparently thought was a 'And don't you forget it!' look.

"Right..."

"Relax. You'll still have _that _with you." Both sets of eyes shifted to the seal on his right wrist, the kanji for 'slayer' emblazoned in its center.

Naruto allowed himself his trademark foxy grin, though it looked slightly menacing on him now.

"Plus, you won't be going alone. But that'll be a surprise. Now..just let me know when you feel ready to go."

"Well, now's as good a time as any."

"Your call." The moment those words were uttered, a pitch black circle opened up under Naruto, who barely had time to yelp before falling into it. "Oh! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE DROP, JUST TRY AND LAND ON YOUR FEET!" Bochi called out just before the circle faded from view.

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**Konoha, Shinobi Acadamy, late afternoon:**

Naruto wasn't having a very good day: he had managed to get to class before the bell rang, and the jerk chunin teaching them STILL told him to stand in the hall for 'coming in late' while the class laughed and mocked him. Same bastard made him do laps during lunch. An attempt to be friendy with Sakura-chan afterwards earned him a right cross..

Again..

Then the year end exam for the second time...and failing it again. He could have sworn he saw the examiner damn near patting himself on the back for bellowing it out for everyone to hear

And now he was having to deal with a drunk, pipe-welding villager who was calling him every name in the book.

Or at least he _thought _the guy was, it was so slurred he could't make out a blasted thing..that lasted until he suddenly reared the pipe back.

WHOOAHH!

**THOOF!**

He wasn't really prepared for a really big guy to fall outta nowhere and right onto the wino, knocking him silly in the process.

The guy sat up, groaning slightly from the impact. "'Land on your feet' he says.." He grumbled.

"Uh..."

His head whipped to face to the small blonde, only to widen signifigantly, "Holy shit!"

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Finally..took me a while to get everything sorted for this chapter.

There'll be more backstory when the two Narutos have a meeting of the minds (and Older Naruto introduces a few people's asses to the Almighty Mudhole Stomp)

AN: This ain't gonna be a 'Naruto comes back to fix other people's boo-boos' story. No, he's pretty much looking out for No.1 He might lend a hand to someone if he feels they deserve it, but everyone else is on their own.


	3. Chapter 3

**Younger Naruto's PoV:**

"Come again..?" Naruto eyeballed the heavily-built man who was currently using the unconcious drunk for a chair. Thankfully, everyone had already left the acadamy so no one was around evesdrop, "You're..."

"You. Your older self anyway. Yeah, yeah, don't think I'm not spotting that look in your eyes; you're wondering where the hidden cameras are about now."

"The thought had crossed my mind." The smaller blonde commented dryly. Normally he would've been looking for an escape route or an impromptu weapon, but for some reason the tattooed man in front of him felt as much of a personal threat to him as Old Man Ichiraku, and considering the guy looked like he could just step on him if he wanted to, that was saying something. The fact he had whisker marks on his face damn near exactly like his own made him look oddly familar.

"Perhaps this'll be proof; though you never admitted it, more often than not you feel like Ayame and her dad are more trustworthy than the Third. Mainly because you feel certain the old monkey is deliberatly keeping you in the dark about something."

Naruto froze when the man said it. Even the Ichirakus weren't aware of that.

The man's expression turned grim, "And the happy-go-lucky idiot image you try to pass off..as you, or should I say, _we_ stated once after getting jumped by a half dozen of these bastards.." He accentuated the insult by smacking the groaning drunk in the head, "Some times we wished the few people that didn't treat us like shit lived elsewhere; that way we could tell the rest to go fuck themselves."

"H-how..?" Naruto's voice died before he could continue. The man was stating things he made sure no one was aware of, mainly because he didnt want to put up with the trouble it was sure to cause him and the few that actualy mattered to him.

"Like I said, I'm you, just four decades older. I've had to put up with the shit you've gone through and a bit more. The Shinigami made me an offer to come back to change a few things. So here I am. And just to drive home that I'm telling the truth..." He leaned in and whispered, "The ramen isn't the only reason we kept going to Ichiraku's, especally after seeing Ayame in a miniskirt and tank top that one time when we were eleven."

Naruto immediantly turned bright crimson. He wasn't too keen on being accused of being a pervert, especially by some of the village's more uptight occupants, but even though he had a crush on the pink-haired girl, it was damn hard not to wonder when he'd get another chance to see those long silky legs and flat belly the ramen girl called hers.

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At the ramen stand, Ayame was busy cleaning up when she suddenly blushed. _"Is..is __he__ thinking about me like THAT..? No..couldn't be.."_

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**Regular PoV:**

"And our Meganekko magazines hidden under the floorboards at the foot of the bed. Never really learned why we found eyeglasses on a girl so damn hot, but hey..."

"You...holy shit..." Naruto could only stare, "You ARE me!"

"I told you." The man chuckled before getting up and grabbing the drunk to put him out of the way, "This guy looks kinda familar..." He muttered, giving the guy the once-over, "Was today the Genin Exams..?"

"Yeah...I flunked again.." Naruto grumbled, only to stop midway when a dull rumble caught their attention, "And those jerks made me miss lunch..."

"Lunch.." Older Naruto looked at the drunk and tossed him aside, "_Now I remember that bastard. He tried to a take a potshot at me the second time I failed the exam. Just glad he was too damn wasted to swing right. That means I have one year to get myself out of the red so to speak. But first..."_ He chuckled to himself, _"Bet the old monkey never counted on this with when he made that worthless law." _ Digging through some of the pockets on his pants, he made a mental note to thank Bochi for letting him keep all the stuff he had on him and took out an object wrapped in rice paper. "Here. It's no ramen, but it'll tide you over for now at least. There's something you need to know, and the _old man_ has some answering to do."

The younger blonde unwrapped it to show a chunk of jerky. He started to bite into when he older one made the last statement, noticing the hint of venom when he said 'old man' "Need to know what? And why did you sound like you were pissed at Jiji for something?"

"I doubt you'll be wanting to call him that after you hear me out." Older Naruto glanced around again to be sure no one unwanted was near enough to hear, "Sarutobi lied."

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'CRACK!

In his office, Sarutobi's gaze shot over to the shelf holding the portraits of the recent Hokages when he heard the sound.

His eyes widened and the color drained slightly from his face when he saw Minato's's picture; a long single break was visable straight down through the glass. However, that wasn't what paled him..

It was the expression on his face: a visable scowl directed right at him, his now icy glare boring into the man's eyes. A look the Fourth had used only when he was well and truly pissed off.

In the pit of his gut, the Third Hokage had the feeling somethin he KNEW he shouldn't have done was about to back to bite him in the ass .

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Had planned to have the meeting with Sarutobi in this chapter, but couldn't fit it in w/o redoing 2/3 of the chapter.

Before anyone starts about how Naruto reacted; if a guy just fell out of nowhere right in front of you, would you still be firing on all 8 cylinders?

So..waddaya think..should Sarutobi be let in on things, or only have the two Narutos know who he really is?


	4. Chapter 4

(For simplicity's sake, when their both talking to other people or each other, I'm just gonna referr to them as Younger and Older.)

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Naruto's jaw hung slack at the information his older self had just given him; him, the proclaimed 'dead last' and least liked person in Konha was the son of two of the most respected shinobi in Konoha. Or it was slack for the few moments before it clenched into a growl, "He knew..that..that bastard KNEW! Does he even know how many times I've wondered if they had just dropped me off that damn orphanage and ran off. For that matter, even if he is the Hokage, where the FUCK does he get off saying I'm not allowed to know what the names of my OWN PARENTS even were!"

Slightly relieved he had the foresight to throw up a quick silencing jutsu around them before telling his younger self and a henge over his own whisker marks, Older Naruto looked up at the hokage tower, "That's what we're going to find out. I wonder how he's gonna like having his feet held to the fire."

"That reminds me, why the heck is your hair like that?"

"Been wondering when you'd notice that." Older chuckled, "Believe it or not, this is our real hair color, courtesy of Mom. Before I go on, I better let you know something; Dad didn't kill Kyuubi."

"Say what..?"

"Think about it, no human alive is capable of killing a being that's basically composed of living, sentiant chakra. Only other method: sealing the fox away."

Younger felt a slight chill run up his spine when it finally hit; the dislike for him getting even worse when October 10 rolled around...his birthday, and the day the Kyuubi attacked, "He..he sealed it into us, didn't he..?"

"Yeah..granted, it was either that or let her wipe the town off the map. Was ticked at him at first, since he was crazy enough to assume Konoha'd see us as a hero." Both Narutos let out a derisive snort at that, "Back to what I said before, for some inane reason the monkey had an extra seal put on us to hide the red. Odds are he thought we'd look up to Dad a bit more if we looked exactly like him."

"Nani..? It's bad enough he tried to keep me in the dark about my family, he had to screw with my looks too!"

"Thankfully, Kyu-chan was able to find and destroy it after I managed to snap her out of that illusion."

Younger froze in mid-step, "Ok, you just lost me there...'Kyu-CHAN'?"

Older scratched his head sheepishly, "Oh yeah. Heh, I should've started with that. Yes, Kyuubi is actually female; believe me, she is VERY female. Turns out the whole attack on Konoha wasn't even her work. An asshole named Madara Uchiha put a genjutsu on her to do his dirty work, thing was potent enough to keep her under the effects even after being sealed." Though when he said that, he quickly recalled what Bochi said, _"Wait..he said I died for a little while. If so, then that means she was released...and got left behind! Or the Kyu in my time did anyway..FUCK!"_

"An Uchiha?" Younger cussed under his breath, "Dammit, figures it'd be one of them. The teme's mother Mikoto was just about the only one that wasn't a prick. Sasuke was ok until the massacre, but now he's got the personality of a shovel. All the fangirls/boys and brown-nosing didn't help much either."

"Unfortunately he just gets worse." As to whether to tell him about being killed by the bastard when he was too wore out to react, Older decided to leave it for now, figuring the changes he was already invoking would neutralize that. "Anyhow, to sum everything up so far, Kyu found the seal and destroyed it, giving me back our true hair color. Plus, I found that our lack of chakra control was the cause of the chronic bed-head. Seems with it 'running wild', it acted a little like static cling and just frizzed it up."

"Really? Well, guess that explains why I could never get it to go down." Younger muttered, absentmindedly running a hand through his mop. It was then he glanced at his older self's tattoos, "Never thought I'd get anything like those."

"Oh these?" Older turned an around to show off the dragon, "Something I got while in prison."

"Come again?" Younger almost tripped over his own feet, "Did you say _prison_!"

"Yeah..you see, the whole shit can started when the old man's successor, the kunoichi he taught when he was a jounin, Tsunade Senju, she and her teammates were known as the Sannin. Unfortunately she preferred to get drunk and snooze instead of genuine Kage work. Some of the bastards on the council used that to advantage, getting her to sign things when she was half-asleep and/or shitfaced; one was a decree banning us from any chance for promotion past genin, saying it was punishment for 'excessive and unnecessary force' with their precious Uchiha when I finally dragged his miserable emo ass back after he defected. Was how I lost my eye too."

"Why the heck would the teme defect? Almost the whole village has their collective tongues up his ass."

"Thanks for the squick..." Older deadpanned, his face contorting slightly from the unwanted image that gave, "Prick decided he wasn't being given the power he thought he deserved, so he defected to join up with a pedo-crossdresser named Orochimaru, another Sannin. Anyway, I was rightfully pissed at learning about that little stunt of theirs, and at the old hag for signing something like that without even bothering to be fucking coherent when she did. By the time her assistant Shizune managed to tell her, it was too late. That bitch Sakura loved rubbing that little bit of info in my face whenever she could."

"Hey! Don't call Sakura-ch.."

"No, just don't. Learned the hard way that girl is the WORST choice we could have ever made. When the teme defected, I was dumb enough to promise her that I'd bring him back. After five, FIVE years, I finally dragged his ass back after beating the shit out of him. You know how she thanked me? With a chakra-powered slap and being called a monster, because he wasn't in pristine condition when I brought him back! If it wasn't for our accelerated healing, that slap would've broken my neck! Trust me, she's just not worth the trouble. And our so-called 'sensei' sure as hell didn't mince any words when he stated his disappointment in me about how 'rough' I was with him." A gutteral snarl escaped his lips, "The little fucker willing defected, and every time we faced off, he tried to use an assassination jutsu OUR JOININ TEACHER taught him! And what was his punishment, fucking PROBATION! Civilian bastards claimed the curse seal Orochimaru put on him was what made him act 'unusual'. That and trying to put blame on me, saying I ran him off out of jealousy." He snorted again, "Pompous, shit-kicking little motherfuckers... sorry, just get so pissed off when I remember all that." Older took a few calming breaths before resuming, "Where was I...? Right...well, the last straw came when I found Tsunade drunk again, when she saw me she started rambling about something, most of it was too slurred to understand until she let it slip about our parents. Granted, I was too shocked to really respond, but then she said three words that finally did it: Jiraiya's your godfather..."

"Who the hell's 'Jiriaya?" Younger asked. Though considering everything he had heard so far, he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know.

"The third Sannin, he writes a stupid porno book called Icha Icha, a book he researches by spying on women or couples being intimate.."

"Wha...why the hell would our parents make an asshole like THAT our godfather! For that matter, if he's supposed to be taking care of us, then where the fuck is he now!"

"Well, he was our dad's jounin instructor, so I guess they grew close out of it. As for where he is, who the hell knows, Though we didn't cross paths until the month-long intermission at the Chunin Exams. The fun part is, I found out that before then, he'd arrive in Konoha every few months to inform the old man about stuff he found out while he was out of town then go invade a gal's privacy before heading back out, but yet..not once did he even spare us a moment's notice. Couple with everything else, that was the last straw. I quit."

"Quit? Quit what?"

"I quit it all, wanted nothing more to do with the village. Threw my headband on the desk, when Shizune saw me, I let her know. Told her I had had my fill and was washing my hands of Konoha. Didn't even wanna be Hokage after all that. Gathered up what I could, told those that mattered what was going on and said my goodbyes. At eighteen, I was officially a free agent. Granted, I still had to worry about a group Madara led called Akatsuki, a band of high rank missing-nin that wanted to extract Kyuubi out of me for some insane world conquering scheme; but I was able to keep out of reach for a few years. Thankfully by then my hair was the color it is now and didn't stand out too much. Did a few odd jobs here and there, a little bit of mercenary stuff, and ditching hunter-nin the council sent, claiming I was 'Konoha's property' and shit like that; thankfully I had Kyu-chan watching my back. This is where the prison part comes in...while in Kusa I caught a pair of lowlifes taking liberties with a girl who looked to be less than half his age. Needless to say, the look on her face was enough to tell it wasn't consensual. Now, by then I had already killed more than a few people, mostly bandits and the odd ninja with an overly inflated opinion of themselves, so I had no qualms about slashing them both up."

Younger winced at the thought. He knew killing was part of the job but it still unnerved him a little. " Hold on..if the two you killed were raping a girl, why'd they put you in jail?'

"Ah, the laws in Kusa are a little weird; namely anyone seen committing a crime, intentionally or otherwise is supposed to be brought in alive to stand trial regardless. Killing them is supposed to be a last resort only; don't ask me why they have that. I've always made it a point that I catch a child molester or rapist, I only leave a corpse. Unfortunately, the guys I killed were the nephew and cousin of a somewhat prominent merchant in Kusa and he wasn't happy about a 'foreigner' killing his family, regardless of the crime. Thankfully the girl's testimony kept me from getting the worst of it, but the guy still had enough pull to get me a 25-year sentence. "

"T-TWENTY-FIVE!"

"Not much fun, especially when it's that much time in the prison known as the Ring of No Return: a one square mile area in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a hundred foot wall covered in chakra draining and inhibitor seals so prisoners could'nt try and get over if they had shinobi training. Guards were there only to put down any large scale rioting. Aside from that, it was 'look out for number one'. Prisoners there killed each other almost as fast as new ones were brought in so survival was everything. Met a guy who was there for theft who had a knack for tattooing. Most of his work was for decoration, but I managed to get him to put a chain of barrier and weight seals on me, hidden under the dragon tattoos. The seals let me continue training while I was incarcerated, building up my strength and chakra control."

"Whoa..I..uh..wow.." Was pretty much all Younger could really get out.

"Yeah, was a hell of a time. Anyway, It's best I stop with my life story for the time being; I'll tell you more later. Right now we got a wrinkled monkey to hang by his toes!"

"Yeah, let's go!" The two picked up their pace and marched straight for the tower.

"When we get there, just follow my lead."

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Sarutobi was doing his best to try and not think about what had happened a few minutes ago, already calling for someone to repair the glass on the portrait. However, luck wasn't on his side in that regard.

"Kami, I need to calm down..it's not like something's just going to come tearing the doors..."

As if on cue, one of the doors to his office was kicked halfway off its hinges.

"Hey! I'm looking for a punk named Hiruzen Sarutobi!"

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Man! You wouldn't believe how many times I had to go and rework parts of this till I liked the flow.

Yes, Older Naruto is somewhat...bitter towards a hefty chunk of Konoha.

Little bit of info: NONE OF MY STUFF IS ABANDONED! I work on it as I get inspiration and right now I'm getting more for Naruto instead of my HP fics.


	5. Chapter 5

"Nani!" What the..what's the meaning of this!" Sarutobi demanded when he saw the intruder blatantly march into his office. Though, that was when he saw Naruto come in right behind him, their three eyes fixing him with an icy glare, and for some reason, it sent a shiver down his spine.

And not a good one either.

"Hello, _Hokage-sama."_ Naruto spat the title out in contempt, shocking him.

"N-Naruto..what's going on? Who IS this man!" The old man's eyes suddenly narrowed, "Is this one of you.."

"Do us all a favor and shut the hell up!" The man snapped, "I'm gonna get to the point; the name's Arashi Uzumaki.."

The aging Hokage's eyes widened even faster, "Did you say, Uzu...uzumaki? _That's impossible! Kushina was the only one to survive!_"

"You heard right, and I'm about five seconds from tearing a strip out of your miserable hide!"

Seeing the threat to their leader, the two ANBU guarding the office instantly made their presence known, blades drown and moving in to subdue the stranger. Neither were prepared when the man reached out and grabbed them both by their sword hands, a sudden squeeze and twist forcing them to drop their weapons . Before they could react, the man released them...

Only to grab the backs of their heads and introduce them to the top on the Hokage's desk, the resounding thumps followed by the two man dropping into heaps telling Sarutobi they were out of commission for the time being.

The Hokage could hardly believe what he had seen. A man who showed little sign of any shinobi ability had disarmed and defeated two of Konoha's elite in seconds! Though what truly unnerved him was how calm Naruto was through it all.

"You know the old prunes are gonna bitch about this." The blonde commented.

""Like I give a damn." 'Arashi' replied, turning his attention back to his original target, "Yes, I'm an Uzumaki, didn't even know Kushina was even alive or living here until a little while before I ended up in prison. We..."

"Why were you in prison?" Sarutobi interjected, his tone making it more of a demand.

'Arashi' glared, "I butchered a couple of rapists in Kusa that had rich relatives. Interrupt me like that again and I'll punch you regardless, Kage title be damned, I'm not one of your ninjas."

The older man sat back, irritated at the man's attitude, but still wondering what his business was in Konoha, along with the reason for his agression.

"Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, when I found out she was here, I was able to get a correspondence up between us. When I find out she married one Minato Namekazi, a guy who was named Hokage and they were about have a kid, I was looking forward to meeting them when my sentence was up."

"Um, Naruto, perhaps you should wait outside. I bet you're probably getting bored." Sarutobi spoke up, the sudden tenseness in his tone made the scowl the blonde had deepen even more.

"Why? So you can keep me in the dark about my parents, Minato and Kushina?" Naruto snapped, making the Hokage's eyes widen.

"Wh-when..?"

'Arashi' couldn't resist grinning, "_Let's you talk your way outta this, you prick. _That's the funny part; Kushina told me they were having a boy and naming the kid Naruto before the letters suddenly stopped arriving. Naturally, when I got out I made my way here to see what happened. But, for some inexplicable reason, damn near nobody has even the faintest clue that they had a kid. Guess what's happening when I run into him?" He gestured to Naruto, "Some wino is getting ready to see if he can tenderize the kid's skull. At first I though he had just pissed the guy off somehow, but then we started chatting and he told me his name." His gaze hardened on the old man, killing intent wafting off him, "When I asked him what the guy's deal was, I find out that kinda crap was par for the course; being called stuff like 'demon', 'monster', and some actually trying to put the kid six feet under, claiming they'd 'finish what the Fourth started' or 'finally ridding Konoha of the fox', with things getting worse on his birthday."

He had to fight back the rather cruel sneer he wanted to give the Third and continued, "Another fun tidbit; it's not a secret that Minato was number four, or the Kyuubi attack over ten years ago. Now, I'm no expert on the Tailed Beasts, but even I know they can't be killed. So, it makes sense that he had to seal the fox away. I doubt he was able to find a bottle or anything designed to hold something like that..."

"STOP! I forbid you from continuing!" Sarutobi blurted out.

"You ..forbid me..Nice try, you bastard, but I'm not under your command. Besides.."

"I already know." Naruto said, glaring at the Hokage, "Tell me, old man, were you EVER planning to me my own father sealed the Kyuubi in me, assume I'd never find out, or just come up with another one of your bullshit stories to pat me on the head with like all the times you said you didn't know who my parents were!"

"Naruto, you.."

"Save it!" He snapped, "I've had enough of your goddamn lies. All this time you knew why I was hated, but you never had the nerve to tell me the truth; instead it was just crap about them 'still hurting from the attack and that I should forgive them since they didn't know what they were doing'. News flash, you bastard. They knew EXACTLY what the fuck they were doing! So don't give me that crap. What pisses me off even more is the fact that even after you knew just how much I wanted to know about my parents, you sill lied to my face, telling me you didn't know who they were. You may be the Hokage, but who the FUCK are you to just decide if someone should be kept from learning about their family!"

"It was necessary, Naruto!" Sarutobi stammered, "Minato made several enemies, especially in Iwa! If word got out that he had a son.."

"Let me guess, if I had been told, you assume I would've gleefully blabbed it to anyone in earshot, am I right?" The hesitant expression on the man's face was all the answer, "You really think I'm too stupid to know how to keep a secret, you son of a bitch!" Naruto snarled, any respect he had for the man long gone, "You could have at least told me their names. but no.." He snorted in derision.

"Naruto.." The third said, "Please..I had to...even if I did let people know you were Minato's son, the council would have tried getting you into arranged marrages so they could get their hands on his estate."

"Riiight.." 'Arashi' said, his tone making it clear he thought the guy was full of it, "Anyone ever consider the possibility of just adopting him? At least then he would've had someone looking after him."

Sarutobi was silent for a moment. That was enough. In a flash, 'Arashi' had a hold of his collar and dragged him over the desk, giving him a full view of his slitted eye and fangs, "How many?" He snarled, his chakra crackling around him, "How many, you bastard! Answer me or you'll learn first hand how I earned the nickname Nightmare Beast!"

"O-One of the Main family Hyuugas, Shikaku Nara, Inochi Yamanaka ,Chouza Akamichi's sister, Techui Ichiraku, and a handful of Inuzukas that felt he at least deserved to have someone around. But I had no choice! The council would have raised cain about favoritism..." He never got a chance to continue as he was promptly hurled across thr room, cracking the wall on impact.

"You worthless bastard! He could've had a family, but _you,_ the supposed leader of this place, let someone else walk over you. You're no Hokage; you're a piece of shit JOKE!"

Naruto stepped up to the old man, his normally bright blue eyes now icy chips, "I used to trust you, old man, but now I see that was possibly one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made."

Sarutobi coughed as he climbed to his feet. He was hesitant to admit it, but he knew inside he had deserved what just happened, "Naruto, I..I'm sorry.."

"'Sorry' doesn't cut it, Hokage-_sama_." He muttered coldly, "You're one of the main reasons my life is fucked like it is. You OWE me. Big time."

The Hokage sighed, "What all do you want?"

'Arashi' Kept his eye on the man, "For starters, everything his parents left him. Scrolls, money, items, house if there's still one left. Then you come clean about his parents, and make that worthless excuse of a 'godfather' Jiriaya get his sorry ass back here 'cause he has some explaining to do as well."

Sarutobi nodded, "Very well."

"Good, you have a year to get this straightened out. 'Cause I'm taking Naruto out of this place to train him." He saw the old man about to speak and cut him off, "I'm ex-shinobi, leave it at that."

"A year? But that means we won't be back till the next genin exams." Naruto remarked.

"Well, you know the saying: Third time's the charm. Besides, I'm _sure_ the Hokage wil be willing to make an exception." 'Arashi' looked back at Sarutobi, "_Right?'_

He simply nodded again.

"Excellant! Come on Naruto, better go ahead and get ready. we're heading out in the morning. Sooner we start, the better prepared you'll be for then."

"Good point." The duo headed out, leaving the Hokage alone with just his thoughts and two still-unconscious ANBU.

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"I..I gotta admit, I grew to be a pretty good liar." Younger commented when he was sure no one could hear them.

"Ninjas are supposed to be experts as deceiving, right?" Older grinned, "Helped that I was truly pissed at Sarutobi so I didn't have to act." Just then he felt the presence of a familiar chakra nearby. He couldn't help but sigh, "But right now...I have the feeling someone is on to us."

"Nani!" Younger started to panic, "Who! Where!"

"Relax. Their not hostile. Not to us, anyway. Besides, she helped us out in my time, so it's only fair to return the favor." He chuckled softly and turned to look at the corner of a shop.

Hiding behind it was blushing girl with dark blue hair and pupiless lavender eyes. Veins were bulging around them as she stared at the duo.

"Little interesting bit of trivia I picked up; you know no two people have the same exact chakra network? Their like fingerprints. Even identical twins have minor variations." He quipped before raising his voice a tad. "I see you over there. Come on out, Hinata."

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Whew! Another chapter done and done.

Hm, should I possibly have a bit of redemption for Sarutobi...Yes? No?

Just a note. after this, it'll just be others calling him Arashi, otherwise I'm sticking with Older/Younger.


	6. Chapter 6

Hinata Hyuuga knew she wouldn't be considered the poster child for the Hyuuga; ever since her failed kidnapping she had been rather shy and introverted. The cold treatment she normally received from her father and the majority of the clan's main branch didn't make it any better. Her somewhat isolated existence lasted until she first met the exuberant Naruto Uzumaki; the boy was everything she wasn't.

In a way, that was one of the primary factors causing her to fall for him. Unfortunately, her shyness made it difficult, if not impossible to speak to him without losing her nerve. So, she resorted to the next best thing: watching from afar in the hope she could finally muster the courage to admit how she felt to him.

Of course, it was that choice that led her to be in her current situation; after learning her crush had failed the exam a second time, she almost immediately searched him out, finding him as he and someone else entered the Hokage tower. It wasn't until they came out later that she finally got a good look.

Needless to say, the man walking with Naruto was quite intimidating; while her father had an imposing presence, he looked as if he wouldn't think twice about staring the Hyuuga head down. As she watched the two chat, though they were too low to hear from her hiding spot what they said, her curiosity about who he was exactly steadily grew until she had no choice but to give in and activated her Byakugan.

What she saw threw her for a loop; granted, she had succumbed to her ...rowdy side... and peeked at Naruto other times with it, so she was familiar with certain aspects. This, however...

Their chakra pathways were exactly the same!

That was impossible, but here it stood. Not counting the fact the man's was simply bigger and lacked the odd red mass of foreign chakra that rested in he blonde's gut, both chakra layouts were completely identical.

"You can come on out, Hinata." When the man said that turning her way, she immediatetly squeaked and froze up...at least for a few seconds before passing out

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"...sure this is a good idea?"

"Well, my original plan had been to fix our life and to hell with the assholes in this town. But, Hinata's one of the few people in this town who isn't a bastard or bitch to us. Besides..."

With a soft groan followed by a quick shake of her head to clear the cobwebs, Hinata finally came to in time to hear the preceding. For a moment she was lost until noticing she was now laying on a bench with two figures a few feet away.

Naruto and the man, the first person to call her out on her following the blonde. At the moment however, the man was saying something to her crush, who was looking rather surprised.

"You mean she...?"

"I'll admit, it pretty much took me years before finding that out. And even then, she still had her heart out for me." He shook his head, "Lost count of the times I wanted to kick myself for not seeing it sooner."

"A-ano.." Hinata murmured, getting their attention, "W-what are you t-talking about..?"

"Uh, hey Hinata." Naruto said, still reeling slightly from what he had just learned

The man chuckled before glancing back her away, "Probably be better if I go the blunt route. First off, Hinata, I give you my word that what I'm about to say is the truth. And since those eyes of yours are pretty good at reading a person..." He gestured to the blonde, "Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, age 12." Then to himself, "Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, age 54."

Hinata responded by cocking her head slightly in a confused manner...

Before her eyes widened and rolled back inside her head as she fainted once again.

Sighing, Older went to a nearby vending machine and get a bottle of water, "Nothing personal, Hinata, but we need you coherent for the time being." He opened the bottle and let the cold water splash onto the unconscious girl's face.

"YAHH! That's cold!" She squealed, coughing and sputtering from the rude wake up call. Wiping her eyes off, she remembered just what made her pass out, "Did..did you say y-you're an older Naruto-kun?"

"Yeah, I'm from a possible future.. Look, Hinata, you've already seen that our chakra systems are identical, but if you want real proof. In my time period, you had been returning to Konoha from a mission when we ran into each other a few weeks after you had turned 22. We decided to catch up on old times and ended up getting drunk." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "And...you decided to show me your crescent moon birthmark."

"!" Hinata instantly turned a shade of red even she didn't she could achieve. "M-my mother's the only one who's ever seen that!" She squeaked. Meanwhile her mind was going a mile a minute. There was no way he would have found out with her knowing, and he didn't strike her as the perverted sort.

"She's got a birthmark?" Younger glanced at the pale-eyed girl who went several shades brighter under his gaze.

"Let's just say you'll have to ask her where it is." Older chuckled at Younger's turning bright red when it clicked. "Anyway, you can ask my other self here wether I'm telling the truth or not."

Younger did his best to push the implications of where that mark be to the back of his mind, "Yeah, he's the real thing, Hinata. He mentioned stuff I won't even tell the Hokage about." He gestured to his own whisker marks as Older wiped the makeup away to let her see his, "An I doubt you can think of anyone else with these."

Hinata's eyes widened at the marks . They were a tad broader and seemed to look as in small grooves were in his face, but there was no denying it, "Y-you are..." Was all she could get out before hormones kicked in, "_SWEET KAMI! Naruto-kun gets even tastier when he gets older...gah! Dammit, Hinata! You can perv later!"_ She scolded herself. "But..your hair...and eye.."

"I'll explain those in a few minute. First, it's safe to assume you believe us?" Seeing her slowly nod, though she was still bright red, he relaxed and plopped down on the bench, "Good, 'cause there's something I need to let you know." He looked at Younger, "Probably oughta go let Ayame and her dad know you won't be coming around for a while. We'll be heading out as soon as we're both done."

"But what about supplies?" And money?" Younger pulled out his wallet and held it upside down, "I'm broke till the day after tommorrow."

"Don't worry, I've learned to keep a stash on me at all times. Besides, we can snag a few low-class bounties for a little extra cash."

"All right, I hope you're right about this."

"Hey, I'm you, remember?" Older watched his younger self leave and turned back to the girl, "First off, I lost my eye in a fight with someone I thought I was friends with. Turned out the son of a bitch was all too happy to try and kill me." He decided right now it was best to leave out that it was Sasuke for now, "As for my hair...well, this is my true hair color. When I was little, a seal had been put on me to hide it. Dunno why, but I'm breaking the one on my younger self soon as I get the chance."

"W-well, it..it does look good on you, N-Naruto-kun.." Hinata piped up.

"Heh, thanks. I got it from my mom, Kushina Uzumaki, though my eyes..er, eye, is from my dad: Minato Namikaze"

"Namika...y-you're the son of the Fourth Hokage!" She almost yelled before older covered her mouth.

"Hinata, calm down! Yes, the Fourth was my dad, but for now that needs to be kept a secret. At least until the two of us come back; my younger self, I'm taking him out of the village to help him train and fix all the gaps the so-call 'instructors' left. We'll be back in time for the exams next year. Plus, I don't want anyone to know who I really am, so the younger me is Naruto. To everyone else I'm his uncle, Arashi Uzumaki."

"A year?"

"Yeah, but don't worry. I have ways of making a badass; you won't recognize him when we come back, and I mean that in a good way."

She briefly considered it before nodding, "All right, Nar...I mean Arashi-san."

"Nice save. Now, that brings me to one more thing. Hinata Hyuuga, I hearby issue you a challenge."

"A-a challenge?" She looked at him wide-eyed, worry creeping onto her face at what it might be.

"A challenge, to break out of that shell you've unintentionally built around yourself. Hinata, there's a strong, confident gal underneath there, I've seen it. I want you to try and help her out of that shell. You have what it takes, but you gotta believe you can do this. Now, I don't want you to do this for me, or your friends, or even the dickheads you're stuck with as a family." He lightly poked her chest, "Do it for yourself. I know you can. " He leaned in and whispered, "Show 'em the tigress lurking behind the kitten."

For a moment, those words lit something in the normally timid heiress. She found herself standing a little straighter, "H-Hai!"

"Attagirl." 'Arashi' grinned, "Well, I better meet up with my younger...I mean, my 'nephew' so we can head out. See you in a year."

As 'Arashi' walked off, Hinata whispered, "For myself, and for Naruto-kun...I WILL."

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WHEW! God, between minor writer's block and school, this took me forever to get right. I'm thinking I'll just timeskip the year and bring the important parts up as flashbacks.

And before someone raises a stink about 'Arashi's challange to Hinata, all I'll say is this: Sometimes all it takes is a few honest words of encouragement to light the fire in somebody.

Now...for the people who enjoy this fic, who should be the first ones to get their bones broken by the duo?

For the ones that'll probably try to bitch at me (like the ones who had their hissy fits about my last chapter of 'Konichiwa, master!') I leave this: *Ignores you and goes back to writing*


	7. Chapter 7

**Day 1:**

"I'm kinda surprised the old man let us go like this." Naruto commented after they were out of sight of the village.

"Well, considering that your still a civilian until you graduate, he can't really deny you leave. Especially since I'm technically family." Arashi looked at his younger self, "Now, I'm gonna be up front with you: this training will basically be hell, physically and mentally. Ninety percent of the time you're probably gonna feel like your bones and muscles are ready to tear themselves apart and passing out'll seem like a godsend."

"Sounds like fun." Naruto deadpanned, "But like they say, no pain no gain."

"Bingo. First off is for you to learn the Shadow Clone Jutsu." Arashi held up a hand when Naruto started to react, "I know we can't do regular clones, but this version is different. Watch."

Naruto watched as his older self summoned an exact double, "Ok, so what's the difference?"

"Unlike regular ones, we shadow clones can act on our own." The other Arashi replied, making Naruto go bug-eyed.

"And for an added bonus, whatever they learn comes back to me." The original said before dispelling the clone.

"Why the hell don't they teach that in the academy?"

"Well, it take a lot more chakra then some can handle. Most jounin can only summon up about around 3-4 at best. Hell, Sarutobi could only do a dozen before running low."

"Ok, and what about us?"

"Dunno what our limit is, but the highest I've gone is around eleven thousand."

"E-ELEVEN THOUSAND!" Naruto yelped.

"Yeah, but that was to deal with a gangster who's bounty I was after. Guy had a 2700-man army on his payroll, so I decided to scare the shit out of them. Being a Jinchuuriki for over half a century helped some. Learned some people really do piss themselves when outnumbered almost 4-1. Anyway, these are the seals for it. Get some practice in and you should have it all down to one." He showed them to Naruto and looked around, "It'll probably take us a couple of days to reach our next destination so that should be plenty of time for you to get acquainted with it."

"Where are we heading to?"

Arashi responded with their trademark foxy grin, "We're going tomb robbing."

"Oh, is tha-say what?"

"You'll see."

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**Day 3:**

"Ok, I'll bite: where the hell are we?" Naruto said, staring at what appeared to be an old abandoned shrine in the middle of nowhere. Murmurs of agreement could be heard by the two dozen clones scattered around them.

Arashi didn't respond. Instead, he simply held up his hand, revealing the seal on his wrist before it, and his right side were suddenly covered in smoke. It quickly blew away to reveal him holding a vicious looking eight-foot-long, double-headed scythe. Seals for reinforcement and durability could be seen etched up and down the metal shaft, which was eerily shaped like a human spine. Each end had a three foot blade that extended a couple of inches past the handle, the back forming two hooked claws. Both sides of the crescent were razor-sharp, the edge running nonstop along the top and claws to form one continuous cutting blade.

"Whoa.." Naruto whispered, his eyes wandering from one end of the weapon to the other, "Where'd you get THAT?"

"Say hello to Merciless." Arashi gave it an expert twirl before resealing it, "Before getting stuck in prison, I learned about a gang boss who lived around the start of the second shinobi war. Man was said to be as cold-blooded as they come, commiting almost every crime you could think of; murder, extortion, rape...at least until he died at the hands of a rival gang. It was said his weapon of choice was a two-headed scythe. This one to be exact."

"Wait..you actually went and robbed a grave!"

"Like I said, we're going tomb robbing. But considering how much of a bastard he was, I wasn't going to lose any sleep over it. Thankfully a bit of asking around netted me the location of where he was buried. Asshole thought pretty highly of himself and demanded he be buried like royalty, complete with a shrine in his honor." He pointed to the statue of a large and haughty-looking man standing in the center of the structure, "His casket is in a room right under that statue."

Naruto watched as his older self stepped inside and went through a set of seals

**"Fuuton: Shredding Gale!"** A gust of wind immediately fired from his hands, ripping apart the statue, the floor, and carving up a small tunnel into the ground.

"Holy shit! Where'd you learn that move!" The younger blonde stared at the resulting destruction.

"I've whipped up a jutsu or two to work with our wind affinity."

"An affinity?"

"Yeah. Means what elemental jutsus you'll be more in tune with." Arashi hopped down into the opening, his voice echoing slightly, mingled with the sounds of him rummaging around, "They normally wait till your a chunin before checking, but some jounin instructors like to get it started early. I don't have any on me, but they use some chakra-sensitive paper that'll react depending on what element you're better attuned to: burns if you're fire, gets soaked if it's water, crumbles to dust with earth, crumples up from lightning, and splits if it's wind. The first time I tried it, mine split right down the middle." The sound of wood breaking filled the air, "Ah, here we go."

Naruto watched as his older self leaped out of the hole, carrying another scythe along with a bag that clinked a bit when he put it down. "No sense letting perfectly good money go to waste." Arashi pulled out a sizeable roll of bills from the bag, causing Naruto's eyes widen even more.

"That..that's a lotta cash.."

"It'll keep us going for a couple of months, especially with what we're going to need." Arashi put the second scythe and money in a storage scroll and tossed it to Naruto, "If I remember right, there should be a trading post about thirty miles from here. We can pick up supplies there and get you some more ninja appropriate attire. Finally get rid of that damn jumpsuit, too."

"About time. Can't wait to see the looks on those jackasses when we get back" Naruto's grin was almost feral.

"Don't worry, when this year is over, they won't know what hit them." Arashi's grin was equally as intimidating.

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*cackles* Finally...this one's done! Hopefully this is a sign that i'll be able to get more of these chapters out of the way...


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